DAY && NIGHT

See it's like DAY && NIGHT with me all the time. In the day I'm this loud, happy girl, with nothing but laughter and long unfinished stories. But at night when I get home, shower and get into bed I'm a totally different person. The light goes off, the teevee is silenced and the images have been put on pause for the night. See people see one side and understand that side. Question is will anyone ever get close enough to understanding the night. I doubt it. Letting my guard down and letting people in come easy but everyone has their limits. I would never let someone see me cry and find out my weakness. A weakness which is common to most. The tears do roll though. Sometimes I don't even understand why they do but when they come they come. I fall asleep teary eyed. And then dream of bliss, happiness and no regrets. I think things took a turn for the worst when he almost died in my arms that day, a day that will forever live in my memories and constantly replay and only be put on pause when there is something else to think about. I would never wanna relive that moment that place in time which will never be erased but I have. I've seen, felt, heard and it hurts. "I'm gone, I'm gone." That's what he kept repeating to me. The blood everywhere, "You good Dey. Just keep yah eyes open." I said it but there was a point for a split second when I saw it taking a turn for the worst but I knew he was strong, he had been through to much for this to be the end. Naw back to positive thoughts. "Remember the time.." I was glad that I was able to reminisce wit him and laugh about not talking to him for a year almost, all because he said "It's done." See regardless of the bullshit ima forever stand beside him and ima always let niggas know that he a goood dude caught up in the wrong shit. Ima forever hug 'em and tell 'em, "I love 'em". See cause living everyday like it's the last didn't make sense to me til I watched as everything played out like a silent movie with no subtitles. My head spinning and still tryna think about positive things. In the end though I was glad to see 'em smile again and laugh about it. IMA ALWAYS BE YOUR CRY BABY cause you GON always be my FRIEND. This is only the beginiing to understanding the NIGHT.